A Pair of Knickers
by goddess of all daleks
Summary: There's a pair of knickers lying on top of the Third Doctor's lab bench. The Brigadier does not approve. Reviews are love!


**A Pair of Knickers**

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_I _think_ there's a cupboard in the Doctor's UNIT lab. Didn't he tie Harry Sullivan up in it once? Anyway, if there isn't... well, there is now._

_Disclaimer: I do in fact own _Doctor Who_, the Tardis, a storage cupboard, and a pair of purple knickers._

_(For those who are sarcasm impaired, that was a complete lie. I own none of these things. (Well, I do own a pair of purple knickers, but so do lots of people, so that's not really relevant, is it?) If I did, I would be making oodles of cash off this fic. I'm not.)_

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Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart strode determinedly down the corridor of UNIT headquarters towards the Doctor's lab, file folder in hand. So maybe his obstinate scientific advisor was from another planet, but that was no excuse for not keeping up with his paperwork, and the Brigadier was going to see to it that some of it got done this time!

"Doctor," he began, as he entered the lab, then stopped short. The room seemed to be empty, except for the usual clutter of instruments - and, of course, the police box in the corner. Perhaps the Doctor was in there, the Brigadier thought. He did seem to disappear into it with alarming regularity, after all.

He started towards the police box, intending to check to see if the Doctor was inside it, when he stopped again, his attention caught by something... frilly. And purple. His eyes widened in shock. Why was there a pair of knickers lying on the Doctor's lab bench?

Just then, the Doctor himself swept through the double doors into the room, that opera cloak of his flapping behind him. "Ah, good morning, Brigadier," he said, spotting him by the lab bench. "What can I do for you?"

The Brigadier carefully picked up the knickers, dangling them from a single finger. "Doctor," he said, presenting the offending undergarment for inspection. "Would you be so kind as to tell me what these are?"

"Those?" said the Doctor, sparing them only a cursory glance as he began to tinker with a set of test tubes. "Those are a pair of knickers, Brigadier. Purple knickers. Although I'd have thought that by now you'd be able to recognize a pair of knickers when you see them, surely?"

The Brigadier blinked, flustered. "Well, yes, of course, but--" he started to say, then interrupted himself. "Now, see here, Doctor," he tried again, shaking the knickers at him for emphasis. "I try not to pry into people's private lives, but-- I mean to say, if you and Miss Grant are-- That is, at UNIT HQ, of all places! I-- Well, look, it's just not on!"

The Doctor stopped playing with his test tubes and raised his eyebrows at the Brigadier. "My dear Lethbridge-Stewart," he informed him, his tone calm, "I assure you that I have no idea whatsoever as to how those knickers came to be in my lab. May I point out that you're the one holding them, after all?" Then the eyebrows came back down and rearranged themselves into a frown. "And just how do you know that Miss Grant is the owner of these particular knickers, anyway?"

The Brigadier could only stand there, open-mouthed, trying his best to come up with a sensible answer to such an accusation, when he was rescued by the door of the storage cupboard in the corner opening. From the inside.

Both he and the Doctor stared as first Jo Grant and then Sergeant Benton emerged from the cupboard, looking rather rumpled. Jo smiled sunnily at them, unfazed. "Oh," she exclaimed, "You found my knickers! I wondered where they'd gotten to. Thank you, Brigadier!" And she plucked her underwear from where it was still dangling off the Brigadier's finger and sailed out of the lab.

The Brigadier, red-faced but trying to maintain his dignity, turned on his heel and escaped back to his office as quickly as possible without actually running.

Benton, who had been waiting, wide-eyed and mortified, for an angry dressing-down from his commander, sighed in relief when it didn't come. As soon as it was clear that the Brigadier was really gone, he took the opportunity to bolt out the door and flee in the opposite direction.

The Doctor stood still for a few moments, blinking bemusedly at the mayhem that had just unfolded around him, then dived into the Tardis. The sooner he finished repairing the old girl, the sooner he could escape this madness!

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End file.
